Dreams About Exes are Always Unsettling

Dreaming About Exes Can Be Just as Scary!

Dreaming about exes (ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-wife) seems to rank amongst the most unsettling dreams – bordering on nightmares for some people!  Snake dreams, dreams about dying, and dreams about loved ones who have died are still the MOST disturbing dreams, but dreams about exes aren’t far behind.

Almost daily I hear from dreamers who want to know what their dreams are trying to tell them. The dream’s meaning, as you might expect, varies from dreamer to dreamer. As with all dreams, you have to look at several things to find your own dream’s interpretation.

If you dream of an ex (or have recently had such a dream), ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I have lingering anger, resentment, or bitterness toward my ex?
  • Do I still have feelings for him/her?
  • Do I feel guilty for something I did or said to them or for something I put them through?
  • Do I feel guilty, in a way, that I’ve moved on and found happiness when they have not?
  • Irregardless of my feelings for this person, was I happier THEN than I am NOW?
  • Do I simply miss being in a relationship…  just not with them?
  • Do I have trust issues that stem to this relationship?
  • Has this ex caused me to now fear getting hurt – so much so that I am overly cautious with my relationships today?

Your dream is not so much about the ex as it is about your feelings.  I’ve heard from people who have ZERO feelings for the ex, but simply wish they were in a relationship. Their ex (even though they wouldn’t want to get back with them) represents the word “relationship” to them.  Their dream simply means they want to find a special someone to share their life with.

I’ve also analyzed dreams for people who are carrying baggage from the relationship.  Sometimes the baggage is packed with pain that hasn’t quite healed yet. Sometimes there are trust issues or even residual anger and resentment. I once talked with a young woman who kept having dreams about a “really sweet ex boyfriend.”  She had moved on and was happy with another guy – in fact, they were planning their wedding.  However, she kept dreaming about her “sweet ex.”

She said she was certain she didn’t have any feelings left for him. They’d remained friendly since the break up and she was happy that he’d started dating another girl.  When I picked up on the fact that she didn’t have any feelings for him, romantically, I asked her to name the 3 feelings she associated with him.  I’ll never forget her reply:

  1. Guilt
  2. Guilt
  3. Guilt

She had cheated on him, lied to him, and hurt him pretty badly. She said her heart still broke when she remembered the look on his face when he found out.  She was obviously overcome with guilt.  After all, she’d hurt someone very badly and yet, here she was, happier than she’d ever been in her life.

I told her that the dreams sprang from these feelings of guilt and that the best way to deal with the feelings was to forgive herself.  After all, he obviously had forgiven her if they remained friends.  I also told her that when someone is overcome with feelings of guilt and sorrow for something they’ve done, a heartfelt, face to face apology can help ease the pain.  She said she intended to do just that.

When you dream of an ex, think of the three feelings you associate with him or her. The interpretation for your dream is lying within the words that come to mind.