What Dreams About Exes Mean: During Breakups and Divorce

It All Depends on How You Feel About Saying Goodbye

I hear from a lot of dreamers who are haunted by dreams during breakups – whether they’re broken engagements, divorces, or broken relationships in general.

Some dreamers have nightmares during this period. They’ll dream their “ex” is trying to harm them or that they are in a situation and the “ex” refuses to help them.

When the dream revolves around an ex not coming to the dreamer’s rescue – it speaks of a feeling that the ex was “never there for them… never around when they were needed most.”

Dreams of an ex trying to harm the dreamer in any way doesn’t have to indicate that there was EVER any physical or even emotional abuse. In fact, it’s much more a sign of pain from the separation. Our dreaming mind puts physical pain and emotional pain AND physical fear and emotional fear on the same level – it really isn’t able to distinguish between physical and emotional.

All it knows is that there is pain, fear, and great emotions going on at this time. It responds to this with disturbing dreams that are apt to continue for up to a couple of weeks. The sooner the dreamer is able to move on with their life… finding other interests to engage their mind and attention… the sooner the subconscious mind will say, “Oh, okay, we’re good.” and move on to happier, more upbeat dreams.

I recently read about a dream from someone who left a comment on Dream Prophesy. He and a girl he very much liked had recently broken up and his dreams involved a “backyard” and a “flood.” As someone who LOVES dreams and LOVES the way the subconscious mind works.. I loved reading this. While my heart breaks for two people who may not be able to be together (more about that in a minute!), I think it’s fascinating that the subconscious mind expressed itself in this manner.

  1. The backyard is symbolic of “looking back” or even “going back.” This could be the dreamer wanting to “go back” and give it another chance or it could be the dreamer not wanting to “go back and make, or repeat, a mistake.”
  2. The flood is beautifully symbolic of a flood or rush of emotions. Flood and/or rain dreams are common whenever a loss is involved – loss of a loved one through death or through a broken relationship.  The flood (or rain) represents emotions and, sometimes, even tears. The amazing thing is these emotions can range from love to hate and from fear to relief. Someone who had been in a terribly stressful and unhappy relationship may have as many “floods of emotions” as someone who’d been in a relatively peaceful and happy relationship. However, these emotions may be those of great relief and even freedom as opposed to sadness and regret.

One Last Word

Because I do hear from so many people who are dealing with breakups – and who are so haunted by these breakups that their dreams are even affected – I want to say one last thing. When I hear from someone who has gone through a divorce or a breakup that was a lousy relationship, I can’t help thinking, “Good – now go and find someone you can be happy with. Relationships aren’t supposed to be filled with so much unhappiness, distrust, and control issues. They should be fun and happy MOST of the time, not just every now and then!”

The breakups and divorces that stick with me are the ones where…

  1. … the couple was happy and got along beautifully.
  2. …. the two individuals actually loved one another.
  3. …. there was respect involved – a two way street.
  4. …. but, for whatever reasons, one or both of them feel “it won’t work” or that there’ll be trouble down the road – so they end it.

What the what?!?! If it’s working NOW, what leads you to think it won’t work THEN?  If you have differences of opinion on a lot of issues NOW, don’t base that on what may or may not happen THEN. People change and, over the course of a few years, sometimes they change so much in their outlook on life they can’t even believe it!

These days it is extremely, extremely hard to find someone. That’s why there are SO many online dating sites, match up programs, etc. Problem is, some of these have the potential to be unreliable at best and dangerous at worst. It’s just incredibly difficult to find someone. Period.

If you have been blessed enough to find someone you love and who loves you, letting them go may be one of the worst mistakes you ever make. One of my favorite sayings is this, “Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.”

If love and respect are there, then you need to make a couple motto that goes something like this, “We will make this work.” Keep lines of communication open, respect one another’s opinions and even encourage freedom of thought.

Relationships are, basically, family we choose for ourselves. We’re born to parents who aren’t our choosing. Some of us have siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who aren’t our choosing.

Think about it: We never throw a brother or sister aside simply because we don’t see eye to eye on everything.  As parents, we don’t put one of our children up for adoption because they have different political thoughts than we do.

In my own family, I’m not sure any two of us agree 100% on every single political or current news topic.  We may see a lot of the major issues similarly, but everything… not a chance. We’re all individuals and individuals were built to think for themselves.

However, we love one another with all our heart and we respect one another and applaud freedom of thought. That’s what families do. They may disagree, they may even argue, heck… sometimes they may even stomp around and yell!

But, in the end, when all’s said and done – they’re family and quitting is NOT an option.

If the love is there, everything else will follow.